To Say I'm Sorry
by Long Forgotten Memories
Summary: AU: Harry is betrayed... the light wants him back but he is not interested... what will Harry do when all he has left is one friend and a painful burning in his chest that only seems to only fade when he has killed... Dark Harry, Swearing, torture, R
1. To Kill

Blood lots of blood, a man dressed completely in black, guns and throwing stars strapped to him stood there grinning. A young man laid gushing blood on the floor, his brown eyes vacant, bullets riddled his body. The moonlight shone in from a window casting an almost misty glow about the room. The wind blew coldly against the cracked window, as a tree howled outside.

The man in black reached down and pulled two throwing stars out of the slowly cooling corpse. His green eyes sparkling almost predatorily, he quickly glanced toward a closed door, he smirked and pulled out what looked like a stick he quickly pivoted to face toward a window, "Hello Albus, how long has it been?" His voice was filled with malice.

An old man stepped into the moonlight, "Two long years, far too long, what on earth did that man ever do to you, Harry?"

Harry's smirk deepened, "Lived."

Dumbledore felt his heart clench, "What has the world done to you?"

"Everything and nothing, Albus."

Dumbledore sighed sadly, "Where did we go wrong?" He spoke softly looking at Harry his crystal blue eyes full of pity.

Looking almost disgusted at the old man Harry growled, "Betrayal hurts, being left alone to fend for yourself hurts." Harry lowered his head his bangs covering his eyes, "Thinking people care only to find they don't give a damn about you, fucking hurts."

"Harry…" Dumbledore began approaching him.

"No, Albus," Harry lifted his head glaring bitterly at the old man, "I let you get away with leaving me on the Dursley's doorstep, I forgave you for leaving me to fight all by myself for three years. But, I will never forgive you for betraying me, I will never forget."

"Harry, if we hadn't you would be dead," Dumbledore lowered his head, "I am sorry…"

"Sorry," Harry laughed bitterly, "Look at me, am I not already dead, I am no child anymore Albus. You can't sway me with your words of 'love' and 'comfort'. I have a life now, a life free from manipulations, a life of my own."

"Is this really a life, Harry, murdering people for profit?"

"I don't murder, I hunt, and this job just had me kill him. I normally bring the person to my employer; he tells me how to torture them and watches, they are normally the one who ends it." Harry smirked, "Plus this is all I know now."

Dumbledore took a step forward ignoring the wand still pointed at him, "You know love Harry, that's what makes you strong."

Harry stared levelly at the desperate old fool, "I have no love."

Dumbledore sighed, "I am sorry Harry, but you must come back with me."

Harry was about to comment when five people jumped out of the shadows latching onto him, "This is low, Albus," Harry struggled against them thrashing violently in the moonlight, "Even for a bastard like you."

"Please forgive us Harry, this must be done, Voldemort is gaining power, you are our only hope." Dumbledore hesitantly injected a potion into the fighting boy, "I'm sorry."

Harry glared hatefully at him, "You're always sorry." He then blacked out.

Staring at dejectedly at Harry's unconscious body, Dumbledore felt a tear fall down his cheek, "I am."

* * *

Severus Snape was livid walking fast and swiftly through the halls of Hogwarts, coming to a door where two people could be heard talking he burst through the door. The two occupants of the room turned to look at him. He scowled darkly and glared at the two of them in return. Honestly the amount of stupidity the world held continued to amaze him, "Pathetic, you both are pathetic." 

"Now Severus."

Severus scowled, "Don't now Severus me, Albus. You honestly think throwing Potter in the dungeons and putting shackles on him will make him want to re-join us." Severus glared, "And you stupid dog, you think you he'll jump at the chance to live with you."

"Severus there is no reason to speak to Sirius like that," Dumbledore sighed, "Honestly what would you have me do? He is beyond reason."

"You don't know him any more Albus, neither of you do."

"He's my godson, you honestly think I don't know him, and after what his been through who but I can understand him you greasy git." Severus was about to speak when a knock on the door broke them from their argument.

"Headmaster, Mr. Harry Potter sir, is up and he is throwing quite the tantrum, he seems to be injuring himself.," A little elf creature informed them.

Dumbledore nodded and turned to the other two men, "We need to go and calm him down."

Laughing Severus smirked, "You really believe you can calm him down."

Dumbledore headed out the door without another word Sirius and Severus following him out, they walked in an uncomfortable silence. The halls growing darker the closer they got to the dungeons. As they got closer they could hear screams, yelling, and crashes. Dumbledore whispered a password to open the cell and the three men entered. Harry was there kneeling on the ground blood trickling down his arms from his fighting the shackles holding him down. His head was cast down his hair shadowing his eyes he was breathing heavily.

"Harry," Dumbledore spoke quietly.

Harry sharply lifted his head, the three men stepped back at the intensity of the glare. Sirius took in his godson's ragged appearance, shocked at the murderous look in his once innocent eyes, "Did we do that?" He whispered softly.

Turning his glare on Sirius, Harry scowled, "Look you've brought the loyal dog."

"Harry,"

"Don't call me that, I'm not Harry any more."

"Really Potter, who are you then?"

Harry glanced at Severus and smirked, "Ah, my favorite Professor, I'm a hunter of course."

Severus nodded already having been told by Albus what a hunter was, he leaned against the wall and waited for the drama to unfold the only thing that was missing he thought absently was a bag of popcorn.

"I'm sorry Harry, I should have fought harder after I was told, but it was for your safety." Sirius spoke desperately causing Harry to turn his cold eyes on him, "I understand how you feel, I know the horrors you saw, you felt. I understand it all, why can't you see we did it for you."

Harry scowled, "I was fourteen fucking years old, and I did nothing, nothing but be born. I was locked away for my own good as you called it, locked away in hell. You want me to thank you?" Harry stood angrily trying savagely to get loose from his chains, "I fucking hate you, I hate this world, I hate every God damned person in this world. I will never forgive you. You stole away the only thing I had the only thing I have ever had. It's gone and because of you I can never get it back."

Sirius shied away from the out burst and Dumbledore took a step forward intrigued, "What did we take away Harry?"

Harry remained silent calming down he fell to his knees, "Leave me alone." Harry lifted his head up his eyes as close to pleading as they could be, "Please just let me go." Severus was shocked this child was so broken, so shattered.

"How could we have done this?"

Every eye in the room turned to look at Severus, "He's... he's gone."

"What he's right here?" Sirius sneered, as Harry looked at the Severus confused, what was he talking about.

"The Boy Who Lived, the Golden Boy of the Wizarding World, that's what he meant when he said he wasn't Harry, he's gone." Severus stared hard at Harry, wondering why he couldn't see it before, he didn't live a great life, he didn't have fame and fortune, "I'm sorry."

Harry looked stunned, he shook his head unbelievingly. He moved so he was sitting and resting his head against the cool stone of the dungeon. He closed his eyes tightly, "You and the rest of the world."

Dumbledore sighed, "Harry we cannot free you until you agree to help us."

Harry snorted, "That will never happen you fool."

"Harry please, you can come live with me like we always had planned, I'm a free man." Sirius pleaded.

Laughing bitterly Harry stood, "That is right, I had forgotten. You had been freed just in time for me to be condemned. Isn't that so nice? I, myself, am sure to remember that for all of eternity. I remember your words too. Tell me do you remember what you said? Before Dumbledore told you the truth, do you remember what you said?"

Sirius shook his head, not remembering in the slightest, at the trial he was so angry, he had just been freed and was excited to start a new life, a new life with Harry, "I don't remember, whatever it was Harry, I didn't mean it, I was just so angry. To be freed and then you are locked up, you need to understand my feelings."

"Your feelings, Sirius don't make me gag," Harry glared dangerously at the older man, "You told me we all must reap what we sow, what about my feelings, I have reaped what I never sowed. You threw me in Azkaban, the only person who truly knew I was innocent was Dumbledore, and he didn't stop them. For my safety he says, for my safety he told you all," Harry smirked and turned to look at the saddened headmaster, "It was really you I needed to be protected from Albus." Harry grinned sadistically, "Isn't it funny that I was saved by those you thought would kill me."

Severus was shocked as a blonde headed boy came to mind, him a Potter getting along towards the end of the year right before he was thrown into prison, "Draco?"

Dumbledore turned to look at the Potion Master, "It was Draco wasn't it Potter?"

Nodding Harry smirked, "My only friend."

"How?"

Harry turned back to the headmaster, "He told them your plan, he eavesdropped on it, he came to me and told me of it. He talked to his father, and we made a deal, they free me, I leave the Wizarding World. If you honestly think you can get me to help you." Harry spat at them, "You are greatly mistaken."

"Harry, we aren't letting you go until you agree to help us." Dumbledore looked at him pleadingly, "Just agree and you are free."

"No."

Dumbledore sighed and turned to Sirius, "Let's let him think it over." They two turned to leave, "Severus are you coming." Severus shook his head, "I need to ask Potter some questions." Dumbledore nodded, "Just make sure the door is shut tightly when you leave." The two left shutting the door gently. Severus turned back to Harry seeing him once again sitting on the floor his head resting gently against the cool stones.

"What is it Professor?"

Sighing Severus sat down as well, "You are being foolish."

Harry cocked his head to one side, "Really how so?"

"You are still alive."

Severus watched Harry's eyes darken dramatically, as he smiled bitterly, "Professor, I for one would rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what is has promised. Betrayal though... betrayal is the willful slaughter of someone's hope."

Raising his head to look at the ceiling Severus smirked, "That's the answer isn't it?" Harry looked at him sharply, "The answer to what was taken away from you. They destroyed your hope, and without hope you feel as if you have nothing left to believe in, nothing worth living for."

Harry nodded absentmindedly, "Of course it is the answer, how am I to be the hope of the Wizarding World, when I have no hope left myself."

"Was it horrible?"

"Yes."

Severus nodded, "Does it still hurt?" Harry looked questioningly at the older man, "The feeling of being betrayed."

Looking at his bloody arms Harry sighed, "It never goes away, the feeling that someone you are close to could stab you in the back at any given moment. Any God damn given moment. So yes, it still hurts, it hurts more than you can imagine. More than I can bare."

"Yet you are."

Harry laughed gently, "I kill and torture, I do it so others can feel some of the pain I feel. Hoping each kill with soften this burning ache in my chest. Hoping I'll be able to sleep without a nightmare." Harry lowered his head and closed his eyes, almost as if realizing something for the first time, "I kill to live."

Standing Severus stood looking at the fallen boy before him, "Do you wish me to tell Draco?" He spoke softly

Jerking his head up quickly Harry's eyes widened at his Professors words, "Would you really do that?"

Severus nodded, "Actions speak louder than words."

Letting loose a small smile Harry laughed, "Apology accepted."

* * *

AN: this is my new story... I have fallen in love with it... this chapter took be about a week to write I started it forever ago... so chapters for this story make take me a while, I like them just so...

I apologize for any and all spelling and grammer errors I really try to catch them...

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK...

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter...


	2. To Hate

A crash was heard as a vase was hurled against a wall. The shattered pieces falling gently to the ground, "They are fucking idiots." A young man with blonde hair was seething in rage. How dare they steal him away from his new life? How dare they bring up memories he is sure he friend wished to forget, "Bastards."

"Draco do not destroy the house, think of what your mother would say," another blonde head drawled.

"Now Lucius, you have to agree with him."

"I suppose you are right Severus," Lucius smirked, "If all you have told us is true I am sure Harry is positively pissed." Lucius shook his head, "Honestly the stupidity of those fools. You think they'd learn."

Severus sighed, "You should see him; he's close to cracking. I don't think he ever really recovered from their betrayal."

Draco grunted, "From what you told us, he's obviously still is in pain over the betrayal." Draco scowled as Severus rolled his eyes, "Father, how soon can we break him out?'

Lucius shook his head, "I do not know, it depends who all knows he's back. We have time before we have to report this to the Dark Lord, but I do wish to have him freed before that." Lucius looked thoughtful and rested a finger against his chin, "Maybe we can get the Dark Lord and Harry to agree to a truce."

Smirking Severus nodded, "Of course, Harry doesn't want anything to do at all with this war. I'm sure that all he would have to do is agree to not to get involved and he'll be safe. Maybe even become an ally of the Dark Lord."

"I doubt Harry, wants anything to do with this messed up war. He just wants to see me; his favorite friend in the entire universe," Draco grinned at Severus, "Now we don't want to keep him waiting for me. Do we?"

Severus rolled his eyes, "I do believe I remember him saying that you are his only friend. So does that mean you're also his least favorite?"

Draco scoffed, "Whatever you say old man, at least I have a friend."

Rolling his eyes Severus just grinned, and turned to Lucius, "Shall we be going now, or later?"

Lucius looked thoughtful for a moment and nodded, "Now, I want him out as soon as possible, you do not know the entire story Severus, and you will find that Harry's story is a sad and horrible one. We need to get him out before the old fool causes any more damage."

With that being said the three wizards immediately headed out and straight to Hogwarts. The plan was to have Lucius and Draco wait in Severus's office until later that night, when it was Severus's turn for guard duty. At ten to midnight Severus headed out to resume his guard duty, knowing that soon after he left the Malfoys would be following after him. He walked swiftly down the hall, and relieved Remus Lupin of his position with a sneer. The werewolf was unfazed and left with a smile.

Severus sighed and entered the cold dark dungeon. It was quite obvious that Harry wasn't happy. Hatred hung heavy in the air. Severus sighed seeing the broken boy sitting in what now seemed his favorite position. Harry rested his back against the wall. His bloody arms were wrapped tightly around his knees, and his bangs shadowed he's eyes. Severus quickly pulled out a weird shape device and tapped it three times. Almost immediately am doing so two pairs of footsteps came running down the halls.

"Harry."

Harry looked up sharply in disbelief there standing before him was his friend Draco. Next to him, Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape stood there smugness surrounding them in clouds. Harry scoffed, "Here I thought Malfoys were flashy. This rescue is far less explosive than my last."

Draco grinned, "Well you idiot, Dumbledore wasn't residing there last time." Draco then raised his wand and with a wave of it Harry was free.

Severus turned and shut the door, and pulled out a wand. He then threw it to Harry, "Well Potter, you have a choice. Stay with Dumbledore or leave with us."

Harry glared at the Potion Master, "How disappointing, I had actually begun to think you had some brains."

Draco walked up to Harry and rested a hand on his shoulder, "Come on now Harry you're free. Don't let Sev ruin it."

Harry relax under Draco's touch and Severus looked at Lucius questioningly. Lucius just smiled and whispered, "They're like brothers. I myself didn't believe it at first but they really are like brothers."

Severus nodded not completely understanding the two boy's relationship. He watched Draco talk soothingly in Harry's ear, and slowly the hateful aura disappeared, and all that was left was a content looking Harry.

"Come on Draco, Harry, we don't want to over stay our welcome." Lucius looked around warily.

Harry rubbed his sore wrists and smirked darkly, "Now that I'm free I really don't think it matters."

"Now Harry, don't get too cocky." A voice came from the doorway. Immediately four wands were trained on the incoming person, it was no shock to any occupants in the room when they all gazed upon Albus Dumbledore.

Grinning Harry strolled up to the Headmaster, "Come now Albus, I think this is insulting. Coming to stop my escape by yourself and without your wand no less."

Dumbledore looked weary, "Violence is not the answer Harry, and we cannot force you to be something you are not."

Harry looked suspiciously at the old man, "Who are you trying to fool?" Harry smirked dangerously, "You. Wouldn't. Let. Me. Go." Harry spoke enunciating each word, "And now you are going to just let me leave?"

Dumbledore sighed and shook his head, "I told you already, I cannot ever free you Harry." The old headmaster let loose a tiny smile, "They can." The headmaster than turned abruptly and walked away. The four men stood their disbelief written on each of their faces.

Draco was the first to break the eerie silence, "Well that was odd but let's head out."

Slowly everyone nodded their heads and proceeded to leave the headmaster's words filling their thoughts. Severus and Lucius had no clue what the old fool was up to. Draco was just confused, and Harry, he just was thinking.

* * *

"He's a fool," Harry muttered breaking the silence at Malfoy Manor. Sitting next to him on the couch was Draco and across from them were Severus and Lucius the two of them relaxing leisurely in chairs. 

"Really Potter?"

Harry just scowled at Severus and rolled his eyes.

"Why did he let us go?" Draco scratched the tip of his nose, "I just can't understand why he would let Harry go like that. I mean didn't he want him to defeat the Dark Lord? Wasn't he going to use him?"

Lucius shrugged his shoulders in an undignified way, "Maybe he was sorry."

"To say I'm sorry," Harry whispered, "What does it truly mean?"

Severus looked thoughtfully at Harry, "The need to be forgiven, the need to rid yourself of your guilt."

Harry smiled bitterly, "I don't forgive, and I don't forget."

Draco rested his hand on Harry's shoulder, "It's alright now Harry."

Closing his eyes Harry relaxed at the comforting presence of Draco's hand, "It looks like I've been drawn back into a war," he sighed, "Now whose side am I on?"

"Your own."

Harry looked sharply at Severus and sneered, "Really and what ideals am I fighting for?"

Severus just smirked, "Your own."

Harry rolled his eyes muttering, "Crazy Professor."

Lucius let loose a chuckle and grinned, "What my dear friend Severus is trying to say Harry is that you have the ability to have your own side. You just have to choose which side you wish to become an ally with." Lucius smirked, "You did understand that right?"

Scowling Harry nodded, "Basically you are saying I have to choose to hypothetically join the Light Side's cause or the Dark Side's." Lucius nodded for Harry to continue, "Well then that easy," Harry smirked, "I'll join my favorite Dark Lord."

"There is only one Dark Lord, Harry," Draco smirked, "Or is there one we doing know about?"

Harry whacked Draco in the back of the head growling at the annoying blonde. Lucius and Severus just looked on smirking as the two began to bicker. The two older men's eyes met and they made an agreement, that Draco would defiantly be good for Harry.

* * *

AN: Sorry It was longer but I wanted to get a chapter out... P.S.snufkin... action will be coming hang in there! 

SORRY FOR ANY GRAMMER AND SPELLING ERRORS! THANKS TO ALL WHO REVIEWED!

READ AND REVIEW!


	3. To Cry

A man ran hurriedly into the headmaster's room his breath was ragged and he had a desperate look upon his face. His eyes held fear with a hint of worry. The worry though seemed to be buried deep enough to not be noticed. The old Hogwarts Headmaster sat there relaxing behind his desk he smiled gently at the desperate man. Already well aware of the reason for his visit. Having already planned it all out. How everything would play out. How everything would turn out.

"Albus, Harry's gone. It was that devil Snape; I cannot believe you ever even fucking trusted him."

Dumbledore sighed tiredly, "I always knew where Severus's heart truly laid, Sirius. Just as everyone else knew. It is not something you should get so upset over." Dumbledore stood his eyes sparkling and ushered Sirius in a chair, "Now do you really think Harry's a dark wizard?"

Sirius shook his head. He was beginning to slowly calm down. The headmaster's voice soothing him, "Of course not. Harry is just like his father he'd die before he'd join Voldemort. He'll forgive us won't he Albus. He'll forgive us and come back." Sirius muttered almost too softly.

Dumbledore rested his hand gently on the younger man's shoulder, "Of course he'll forgive us." He then turned his face away from Sirius he grew dim and saddened, "He's the only hope we have left. He has too." Dumbledore murmured softly.

* * *

Two swords clashed together. The fast moving steel made graceful movements in the air. Block... swipe... parry... the young men controlling their swords feet moved in a slow old dance. Each foot moving deliberately where it should go, "Shit," was muttered as a sword fell noisily to the ground. The other sword pointed at the smooth skin of a neck.

"You lose."

"Sod off Harry." Draco growled angrily, "So what if I didn't practice since the last time I saw you. I mean come on I would die of exhaustion if I was a perfectionist like you." He crossed his arms annoyed and pouted out his upper lip.

Harry chuckled lightly a small smile came to his face. Making the two other occupants of the room smile themselves.

"It seems to me Draco that you are being a sore loser." Severus smirked, "I thought Malfoys never lost." Severus turned to Lucius his smirk deepening, "Now what are you to do with such a failure for a son. After all you think he can carry on the dignity of the Malfoy name." Draco glared at his father; his glare said one thing, answer him and die.

Lucius of course ignored his child, "I quite agree with you Severus. Maybe Harry would be more suitable." Lucius turned to Harry grinning, "What do you say, son?"

Harry rolled his eyes at the two older men acting like children will trying to hold his amusement at how red Draco's face was getting. It looked as though the blond was ready to pop. Harry shook his head and rested gently against the wall leaning waiting calmly for the show to continue. The show never had a chance to as the doors to the training room were thrown open.

"LUCIUS!" A blonde haired woman screeched her eyes searched out for her husband.

Lucius looked startled at his wife, "Narcissa?"

Narcissa paid no attention to him as her eyes focused angrily on Harry, "What is that monster doing here?"

Everyone froze. Harry's relaxed disposition immediately tensed up his eyes grew cold and his face went blank. Monster rang through his head as the still angry Malfoy woman stormed towards him. She drew her hand back and slapped Harry harshly across the face, "I will not allow you to stay here and corrupt my child." She raised her and to strike once more but was shoved away from Harry from behind.

"Don't touch him."

Narcissa turned to look at her son, "I am doing this for your own good, Draco. He is a monster. A monster only knows how to kill. I will not allow my only son to be murdered by some freak." Narcissa made a move to go towards Harry again but was stopped by someone gripping her wrist painfully.

"You will not touch that child." The eldest Malfoy's voice was like venom, "You know nothing of what he's been through and you never will." He then twisted Narcissa's wrist back abruptly and it made a sickening crack. Narcissa whimpered in pain and nodded softly. Her fire from before having been extinguished. Lucius threw her to the floor and hissed, "Get out of my site." Narcissa immediately fled

Lucius closed his eyes feeling a stress headache coming. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder and opened his eyes to see Severus staring at something behind him. Lucius turned and sighed. Harry stood there his eyes clenched tightly closed. His arms were folded across his chest his nails dug tightly into his arms. A red welt was beginning to show on the left side of his face. Harry didn't seem to notice the pain he was inflicting upon himself or the welt on his face. Lucius felt his heart fill with sorrow. He couldn't take back the words Narcissa said. Lucius turned and looked at Draco. His son seemed to be shaking with anger.

"Harry," Severus whispered softly, "You are no monster."

Harry's body just seemed to tense up more after hearing those words. He started to shake his head, "You're wrong," he murmured, "I am a monster, a freak. I have nothing. The only thing I live for is to kill. To kill so I can live. Monster..." Harry's head drooped forward his bangs covered his guilt ridden eyes.

"No," Draco cut in forcefully, "YOU are Harry Potter, my best friend."

Harry held on tighter to himself and slowly slid to the floor. His body shook. His face was contorted into unimaginable pain, "No, I'm worthless. A nothing. A pawn. Something to be thrown away once used."

Lucius's heart clenched, he was breaking, and Severus knew it as well, and they couldn't do a damn thing to stop it.

"Damn her." Severus muttered. Lucius nodded in response knowing that his wife would pay for the pain she had caused the shattering boy.

Curling tightly into himself, Harry started muttering incoherently. Draco took this time to slowly approach him and dropped down next to him on one knee. He slowly moved the forgotten sword next to him away and put his arms loosely around his friend.

"Harry," Draco spoke softly as he would to a child, "You are my best friend, not a monster. I don't care if you kill. You will always be Harry to me. Not the Hunter, not the Boy Who Lived, not the Savior of the Wizarding World, and defiantly not Dumbledore's Golden Boy. You are Harry, just Harry." Draco's arms tightened then around his shaking friend. Harry leaned into the warm embrace and allowed Draco to sooth his pain.

Lucius and Severus shared a silent conversation and left the room. Leaving Draco to heal the distraught Harry. Shutting the door softly the two older men looked at each other wearily. They both knew what this meant. Harry would be fragile for a while before he was back to his normal self.

Severus sighed, "This means the meeting with the Dark Lord will have to be put off."

Nodding Lucius sighed as well, "I must admit I think it would have been better to wait any way. Give Harry time to adjust to the fact that he isn't as free as he used to be." Lucius closed his eyes, "Damn that woman."

Smirking Severus nodded resting his hand on the other man's shoulder, "Let her be for now, and keep her away from Harry. I'm sure that once Harry becomes the Dark Lord's ally. The Dark Lord will not be please with the fact she hurt him."

Lucius opened his eyes and grinned evilly, "Yes revenge is a dish best served cold."

* * *

AN: Thank You to all who reviewed... I don't know why but I am having an easier time with this story than my other one.

SORRY FOR ALL GRAMMER AND AND SPELLING ERRORS!

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!


	4. To Torture

To be the weapon nothing more,

To be used until you're needed no more,

To wish for freedom that has a price,

To be afraid of those who are nice,

To know nothing but the void of fear,

To be not able to allow a tear,

To know that you are forever condemned,

To be alone in the world without a friend,

To know that in the end death is you fate,

To allow yourself to be consumed with hate...

* * *

"I hate you," Harry stood there glaring at his reflection his voice was soft and detached, "I fucking hate you will all my damned heart." He raised his fist and stared into the eyes of his image; he pulled his fist back and threw it forward sharply. The glass broke falling hazardly in the air. He ignored it. Ignored it all the pain of glass fall and slicing into his skin, the tight burning in his chest. He closed his eyes tightly, allowing the burning sensation to envelope his entire being, "I hate you..."

"Oy, Harry, you alright in there?" Came Draco's voice through the thick cherry wood door.

Harry looked up sharply towards the door. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, "I'm fine Draco. I'll be out in a second."

Draco stepped away from the door he nodded knowing very well that Harry couldn't see him. He was worried. Not even a week ago Harry was crying brokenly in his arms. Draco shuddered. The detached voice Harry now seemed to talk with was unsettling. He was cold and distant before but now it seemed as if he was just living, nothing more and nothing less. Draco looked up as the door opened slowly. There stood Harry in all his broken glory. Draco smiled at him encouragingly, "Come on, Harry. We have a meeting to go to remember?"

Nodding Harry took a step forward looking at Draco as if telling him to lead the way. Glancing in the bathroom as Harry moved out of the way Draco sighed deeply. Harry had once again made a mess of the bathroom. He, himself was covered in his own blood.

"Oh Harry," Draco walked up to him and grasped his arm gently; "Let's get you cleaned up."

* * *

Lucius and Severus were waiting for Harry and Draco to arrive. They were going to see the Dark Lord and he did not like his servants to be late. The two glanced warily at each other, but quickly heard footsteps. Lucius looked up and sighed. Draco stood there wearing his best while Harry stood a little behind him, his arms crossed tightly in front of his chest. His eyes were cold and distant, but that was offset by the fact that Draco had hold of his arm.

"Come on, Harry," Draco whined pulling him down the stairs, "We're going to be late."

Lucius chuckled on the look that passes through Harry's eyes as Draco dragged him down the stairs, "Now Draco we have plenty of time. I'm sure the Dark Lord would understand that Harry just needed to make himself beautiful."

Severus snorted, and Draco stuck his tongue out at his father.

The four of them headed out to Riddle Manor. They entered the looming house that was dark and disturbing. Nagini greeted them at the door, and exchanged a few hissed words with Harry. Harry nodded and let loose a soft broke smile to Draco, Lucius, and Severus and left with Nagini. The three men shared a look of deep worry, as Harry's back seemed to be disappearing farther and farther down the corridor.

Harry entered a cold dark room. He didn't really feel scared. The only thing he seemed to be able to feel was that deep burning pain in his chest. That burning that seemed to be torturing his entire being. The burning that seemed to be consuming his very soul.

"Ah, Mr. Potter." Came a hissing voice from out of the darkness.

Adjusting his eyes to the darkness Harry saw his longtime nemesis; he lowered his head slightly in a small sign of respect, "Dark Lord."

Voldemort smirked in pleasure, "You really aren't golden are you?"

Harry stared blankly at the feared Lord, "You won't say I'm sorry will you?"

"Why on earth would I say I'm sorry when I have nothing to be sorry for," Voldemort lost his smirk and looked calculating at the young Potter, "Do you want me to say I'm sorry."

"No," Harry spoke quickly detachedly, "Thank you."

Voldemort's smirk returned and he sat down in a throne like chair and offered the chair across from him to Harry. Harry slowly sat down remaining tense, just as tense as he had been for what seemed like his entire life. Voldemort was pleased with Harry's hatred for the word sorry. A word the old fool spoke constantly, "Lucius spoke of the situation to me."

"Good for him."

"Yes, he said you want a truce."

"I want freedom."

Voldemort nodded his eyes still staring calculatingly at Harry, "Don't we all?"

"I am willing to become your ally, but I wish to not enter the war unless you really need me."

Voldemort was silent and analyzed the deal in his head. "That is acceptable to me." Voldemort let loose a twisted little smile, "I am just happy, I no longer have to worry about how to kill you. Know this though, I am not a forgiving person, and you still need to prove yourself to me before I will even consider trusting you. Now my ally, tell me this what brought about your, how should I put this, change of heart...?"

Harry's eyes flashed with emotion for one split second, and Voldemort caught it wondering what it was the boy regretted, "I killed someone." Harry whispered.

Leaning forward Voldemort was quite interested, "Who?"

"A boy, I don't remember his name. I can only picture him. He had a fat face, no neck."

"Tell me, Harry, did you know him personally?"

Squinting his eyes Harry thought hard, "I don't know. I might have, I can't remember how I killed him or why I just know I killed him, and I enjoyed it." Harry smiled a smile of a hunter hunting it's prey, "I remember the feeling of knowing I was strong. I felt powerful, and I felt alive." Harry closed his eyes, "I felt free. After I felt that taste of freedom I just kept doing it. First it was only for myself and then for others. Then I would get paid. I just couldn't stop. I need to kill."

Voldemort's satisfied smirk deepened upon his face. He was beyond excited. The Boy Who Lived was now on his side. The Golden Boy was a killer. The best thing about it all was the fact that Harry didn't care. He didn't have anything to care about, or at least that's what Voldemort thought.

"I understand your feelings."

Shaking his head Harry smirked, "No, I'm sorry but you don't. I kill to live; you kill because you enjoy it." Harry stood to leave, "Thank you for accepting my truce and I will keep in mind that you will not be very trusting of me until I earn it." He held out his hand and felt Voldemort's cold bony hand in his. After a quick shake and a nod from Voldemort, Harry turned to go but was stopped by a silky hissing voice.

"I want you to kill someone for me."

"Who?"

Voldemort just smiled and stood walking towards a door in back and pulled it swiftly open. Peter Pettigrew fell onto the dirty cobblestone floor, having obviously been listening. Smirking down hauntingly at Wormtail Voldemort hissed in parseltongue, "Him."

Wormtail stood immediately and tried to runaway but stopped suddenly. A knife protruding out of his back, he wheezed in pain as he fell forward. Breaking his nose of the cold stone. Wormtail shivered pain wracking through his body. He heard to soft footsteps approaching him, "Does it hurt?" Harry's cold voice asked.

Wormtail flinched as Harry kicked him in the side flipping him over so he laid on his back, "I asked you if it hurt."

Nodding Wormtail felt his pants dampen as he looked in Harry's cold unmerciful eyes, "Please Harry, your father wouldn't want this. Remember you spared me before because James would want you to be a killer," he pleaded weakly.

Harry just laughed cold and bitterly, "My father is dead, and I already am a killer." Harry then pulled out another knife; it was long and curved, he looked disgustedly down at Wormtail and whispered hauntingly, "Die." Harry then thrusted the knife down into Wormtail's throat. Wormtail seizure and writhe, as blood slowly filled his lungs. He was slowly suffocating on his own blood. Harry watched in sick twisted pleasure as Wormtail's life drain slowly from his eyes. Harry then removed his blades and flicked the blood off. He kicked Wormtail's corpse and spit in his dead face.

Harry looked to Voldemort having forgotten for a moment he was there. Harry hated the look of pleasure on the Dark Lord's face. It was obvious that he was beyond please that Harry had killed the dirty rat. Harry just nodded to him and turned to leave but was then stopped once more by a hissing voice.

"Harry, can you really say you didn't enjoy it?"

Harry tensed and turned his head back and stared into Voldemort's ruby depths. Harry then felt Voldemort probing his mind. Turning his head away from the Dark Lord, Harry continued hurriedly out the door and back to his friends. Trying to forget the fact that the burning sensation in his chest had faded away the moment he saw the blood of Wormtail. The blood of his latest kill. He tried to remember he only killed to live, that though was growing harder to believe.

Voldemort just stared at the door way said softly, "That's what I thought."

* * *

That you all for the reviews keep them coming and I'll update more and even write a longer chapter... how about this if I reach over** 50 reviews** I will write a **10 page chapter**... 

READ AND REVIEW!!!!

Sorry for Grammer and Spelling errors... as well as for how short it is...

P.S. That poem... read it carefully... I'll tell you why eventually...


	5. To Leave

"Harry," Draco murmured softly, "What happened with Voldemort?"

Sitting once again in what had become his room in Malfoy Manor, Harry ignored Draco. He sat there his arms crossed across his chest, cold emerald eyes were closed. It looked almost as though he was sleeping sitting in a rigid position. Draco knew that he was aware of everything going on. Draco also knew that Harry was deliberately ignoring him.

"Harry," Draco pleaded a tone of anger in his voice, "You've been ignoring everything since we got back."

Harry opened his eyes and stared blankly at the blonde. Draco started to grow angry, he was sick of Harry acting like this. He wanted his friend back, and he thought it was all his mother's fault. Draco closed his eyes and tried to count to ten to stop him from doing something he would regret. Opening his eyes Draco saw Harry still just sitting there staring blankly back at him.

Standing up angrily Draco couldn't hold it in any more, "Why Harry? What the hell have I ever done to you? I try and help you and you just ignore me. I am sick and tired of you acting as if every second of the day causes you so much misery. Tell me Harry, am I really that horrible? Do you get so saddened by the fact I am in your presence?"

Harry's eyes flashed but Draco was too busy ranting to care.

"I can see now, you just don't care. Harry, you don't care about me or anyone for that matter. You are being so fucking selfish." Draco's voice was rising in volume, "I'm sick of this. If you can't tell me what you are feeling or what the hell happened in you stupid-ass meeting, so I can help you. Get the hell outta my house!"

The door to Harry's room burst open and there stood Severus and Lucius quite shocked to see Draco screaming at Harry. Draco was so distracted by his yelling that he hadn't noticed the two men enter or Harry stand up.

"I keep telling myself that you are still Harry, but maybe I am wrong. Maybe you are just a monster." Draco's voice cut through Harry like a knife.

The two men entered the room and Lucius grabbed Draco tightly by the shoulder.

"That is quite enough, Draco." Lucius gave his son a small glare, "Harry will tell us what happened when he is good and ready. That outburst was not necessary. Now apologize to Harry."

Draco was breathing heavy and calming down slowly. Gaining control of his thoughts and emotions he began immediately regretting his out burst. Harry stood before him. His eyes shadowed by his bangs, his body was tenser than Draco could ever remember. He seemed to be shaking.

Draco took a meek step forward, "Harry, I didn't..." Draco trailed off reaching towards Harry.

Harry lifted his head, and taking a step back angrily glared at Draco causing the blonde as well as the other occupants of the room to freeze, "Don't touch me." Harry voice was like ice. His eyes showed nothing but pain and betrayal.

Draco felt his mouth quiver, "Harry..." he spoke weakly.

Looking hauntingly at the blonde Harry smirked, "Oh it Harry now, what the hell happened to monster?"

Draco opened his mouth to speak again but was cut off by Harry, "I always thought you were my friend Draco. I really believed it. I had come to trust you. But you..." Harry closed his eyes tightly, "You are no better than Dumbledore and his goons. Did your father put you up to befriending me? To make sure that the Light and Darkness wouldn't have me both as there enemy. Am I really so worthless? I just thought maybe cause you were my friend... you wouldn't pride. I was such a fool."

Draco just stood there froze, allowing Harry to grow colder.

"What the Slytherin Prince has nothing to say?"

Lucius took a step forward, "Harry, you know that Draco didn't mean it." Lucius gave Harry a small smile, "We all have our outbursts."

Laughing bitterly Harry shook his head took a step back to the door, "No, he was just speaking exactly what he has been thinking. Isn't that right Malfoy? You probably never wanted me to stay here. You've probably been scared at night thinking a monster was sleeping under the same roof as you. You are your mother's son."

Draco flinched at the use of his last name, "It isn't like that Harry, and I didn't mean any of it. I am not like my mother." Draco took a desperate step towards Harry, and then stopped advancing at seeing Harry just take two steps closer to the door, "Harry," Draco pleaded, "I'm sorry."

Severus who had remained silent standing a little behind Draco and Lucius flinched at hearing those words. He looked to Harry and saw his eyes cloud with hatred. His body became rigid and he seemed to be on the verge of running. Severus clenched his eyes shut not wishing to be in the room any longer.

"Sorry..." Harry took control of his emotions, and smiling crazily started laughing softly, that laughter slowly grew until it began to sound insane, and bitter, "That is rich, Malfoy. 'I'm sorry' means nothing to me, because the feelings behind those words are nothing. If you had wanted me to leave you should have said so sooner." Harry took four more steps and stood in the door way, he glanced back at the three of them. A look of regret was hidden in his eyes. "It hurts you know, to know that you didn't mean any of it. Telling me I was your brother, how I wasn't a pawn, how I was just another human being. It fucking hurts..."He ignored the burning feeling that had reappeared the moment Draco began yelling at him, then turned to leave.

Shaking Draco tried one more time to reason with Harry, "Harry, I was upset, because you weren't talking to me. I just want to help you, and you weren't letting me. Forgive me; I'm begging you, Harry. Please, you are my brother." Draco felt a tear slid down his face, "I am sorry, Harry. I'm sorry, and I mean it."

Harry turned back and glanced at Draco, and watched the tear roll down his face. After staring into Draco's pleading grey eyes, he turned once more to leave ignoring that intense burning that consumed his whole being, "All you had to say was don't leave... I wanted you to say you still wanted me to stay." Draco stared at Harry's back his cold bitter voice floating over him, "All you said was I'm sorry." Harry looked back at his now ex-friend and smirked bitterly, "Alls you want is to be forgiven." Harry then turned back and began to leave, "I don't know how to forgive."

Draco then fell to his knees sobbing and stared regrettably at the now empty doorway.

Severus opened his eyes and looked to see a dark a desolate room. Draco on his knees sobbing, and Lucius standing there in disbelief. Severus collected himself. Trying hard to make his face blank. He walked slowly up to Lucius. Lucius turned to look at him his eyes holding a shadow of fear.

"Do you know where he's going?"

Swallowing slowly Severus nodded, "He'll go to the Dark Lord. He made a deal. To Harry all he believes he has left is honor." Severus sighed feeling a sense of hopelessness, "Do you think the Dark Lord thought this may happen?" Lucius looked interestedly that the other man, "Maybe just maybe, he thought Harry would end up coming to him. Without us..." Severus glanced at the still sobbing boy, "Without Draco..."

Lucius pinched the bridge of his nose, "No Severus, the Dark Lord couldn't have planned this." Lucius kneeled down next to his son and wrapped an arm loosely around him. Immediately at the contact Draco threw himself into his father's arm. Lucius sighed and rubbed Draco's back comfortingly, "He only could have hoped..." His voice held a hateful tone.

* * *

Harry walked through the cold. Rain was pouring down upon him. The sky was begining to darken. A couple hours before he had been betrayed by his friends... well friend. Yes, he was once again betrayed. Harry glanced down the streets of London. He feet making slapping sounds through the puddles. He sighed silently to himself. He was clothed completely in black. His cloak of course was black as well. His eyes weren't cold... they weren't warm... they weren't anything. Harry knew he destination, though he saw no reason to hurry.

Stopping suddenly Harry leaned back against the cool wet brick wall that was to his right. His arms crossed infront of him. He seem to be standing there allowing the beginings of night to wash over him. Yes, Voldemort could wait... the world could wait...

* * *

AN: You know I really don't get any motivation to post more... I mean come on... over 5000 hits and 36 reviews... now to everyone who reviewed... you rock and this chapter is for you... I'm going to continue to write short chapters because well I don't have motivation to make them longer... 

Read and Review...

Sorry for grammar and spelling errors...


	6. To Hope

Drenched in rain Harry walked the cold corridors of Voldemort's lair alone. The last time having been there with Draco. Draco. Harry's chest burned painfully, and he quickened his pace, his boots making the sloshing noise as rain water dripped down onto the cold unforgiving stone. He pushed through a door watching as 8 pairs of eyes turned on him.

The only one that mattered was a red heated gaze. "Mr. Potter."

Harry nodded. Staring at the confused Death Eaters. They looked to be tough, hardened. Killers. Undoubtabely, generals in a way, for Voldemort. "We need to talk."

Voldemort grinned.

Harry held back a grimace.

"Very well. Greyback. Kant. Owens. We will finish this matter tomorrow morning." He waved the still confused/stunned Death Eaters off noticing that his words had in a way fallen on deaf ears. Being knocked out of their trance by the gesture the three dignifiedly walked out quickly, hoping to find out the gossip of why Harry Potter was there.

The door shut almost foreboding, and Harry grabbed his chest, the pain intensifying. He lowered his eyes shamefully at the look on the Dark Lord's face.

Voldemort walked leisurely to a side table and poured himself a cup of what Harry hoped was wine. Its blood red color gave it the appearance of being anything but.

"Harry."

Harry was shaken out of his daze. He raised his eyes and smirked bitterly. "Just as you have come to your birth name, I have come to hate mine."

"Very well," Voldemort drawled taking a sip of wine. "I only know you as Harry Potter, and since you obviously are not a Hunter at this very moment. Hunter doesn't apply to you. So Harry is all you get, unless you'd prefer Potter?"

Frowning Harry sighed. "Harry is fine. I refuse to ever answer to Potter again though."

"Ah," grinning in apparent pleasure Voldemort nodded. "Cutting off ties with the past? Your parents? Wouldn't they just be rolling in their graves?" Voldemort eyes blazed with unimaginable glee. "Wouldn't they be proud?"

Clutching the front of his shirt that rested over his heart tighter, Harry flinched. His parents didn't matter anymore. Did they?

"They're dead Voldemort. I doubt they can do much in the state you put them in."

"I enjoyed killing them." Voldemort took another lazy swig of wine approaching Harry. "How does that make you feel?"

Harry let out a bitter laugh. "Feel?" he murmured. "I have enough problems with my own feelings let alone dealing with the feelings of the dead." He closed his eyes tightly. "I've suffered enough. I'm not even capable enough to carry the weight and burden of the dead on my shoulders as well." Harry held back a smirk. "I hope their faces, and all the other innocents you've killed consume your mind daily."

"They don't." Voldemort hissed softly into Harry's ear. "That's why they call me a monster. I wonder though, all those that you've killed do their faces haunt your mind than?"

Snapping his eyes open Harry realized just how close the Dark Lord was. Did they haunt him? No they didn't. In fact he could hardly recall the face of anyone he had killed. Whether it had been a child, mother, father, brother, sister of anyone. It didn't matter to him. Harry took a sharp painful breath in staring in the eyes of Voldemort. The eyes of a murderer, a killer. The eyes of himself. It would be just like Voldemort to do this. Manipulate him, make him question himself. Harry held in a shudder, but manipulations involve lies. He was so fucked up Voldemort didn't even have to lie to him. Pathetic.

Grasping his chin gently Voldemort held Harry's face in place as he probed his mind tenderly, knowing the answer he'd find. He had wanted this. This recognition to be found in Harry's mind. Their connection needed to grow. To thrive. He could feels their mental ties thicken and was beyond pleased. Bound together by different levels of blood.

Harry closed his eyes against the self satisfaction that'd appear in those eyes and Voldemort let Harry go, who quickly dropped to his knees onto the puddle of water his clothes had made on the floor. One word echoed in his mind. Monster.

Chuckling Voldemort sat back down. "As much fun as it was to help you discover your true self Harry. I would like to know why you are here. We talked earlier today, and well it is obvious something must have happened to led you to come back to me so quickly, when I believe our last encounter left you quite displeased." Voldemort smirked. "Much like this one is."

Harry's throat was dry. The burn in his chest was consuming his body. "It hurts." He whispered. His vision blurring.

Sighing Voldemort approached him again. Knowing that the pain wasn't what drove him back. It was merely a result of whatever seemed to make him leave his surrogate family. Hopefully a fight. Voldemort kneeled to Harry's level. He smiled inwardly hopefully a fight indeed.

"Where does it hurt Harry?"

"Everywhere."

Harry leaned forward Voldemort caught him and supported the majority of his weight sighing. "Where did it start?"

"Chest." Harry gasped out.

Voldemort pried Harry's hand off of his chest ripping the fabrics of his robes to see what was there. Nothing. Scarred, but undamaged skin. Whatever it was it was emotionally painful. "Harry there is nothing there." He hissed soothingly.

Harry was shaking. It was too much. Dumbledore. Draco. Voldemort. The pain was consuming. Monster. Monster. Monster.

Resting his free hand onto Harry's feverish forehead, Voldemort mumbled something softly into Harry's ear. Harry's eyes drooped and his body stopped trembling and he relaxed into a peaceful slumber in the Dark Lords hold.

Voldemort himself was seriously enjoying the humor of the situation. Harry Potter was sleeping in his arms at this very moment. Sure he was psychologically unstable, but powerful none the less. Grasping his wand Voldemort mumbled a quick levitating spell and laid Harry down on his own bed. Voldemort after all didn't use it.

Returning to his study Voldemort called a house elf to him, and muttered a command the terrified elf left to pass on. He then returned to planning his next plan of attack drinking down the rest of his wine. Knowing that the moment the ex-Golden Boy awoke he'd know, and he knew just the solution to help him.

Smirking Voldemort glanced back at the sleeping Harry. "You've gained my trust." The Dark Lord's eyes burned. "But will you keep it after you've awakened?"

* * *

"I'm so fucking stupid."

Sighing for the hundredth time Serverus Snape held back wacking his head into the wall. "We've been over that already. You are a complete asshole as well." He held in a grunt as Lucius elbowed him hard in the side.

"You really are not helping matters my emotionally ignorant friend."

Draco laid on Harry's bed his face smashed down into the pillow. His constant muttering of how fucking stupid he was continued. He hated himself for the pain he had caused his friend. He really did hate himself. What could they do to help Harry now? He was in the claws of that monster.

"You know Draco." Lucius said pensively. "What if this isn't a bad thing?"

Springing up quickly the young Malfoy's eyes that were red from crying glared scathingly at his father. "Oh no, this is just peachy isn't it? I mean it isn't like Voldemort won't use Harry to his advantage!"

"Don't talk to me that way."

Draco ignored him.

Serverus smirked. "I think your on to something. Harry isn't a fool. He won't trust the Dark Lord to not use him. He probably expects it. Sure, I've never thought Potter as the smartest wizard, but he has learned from experience. I'm sure even if he is a bit fragile, he won't allow himself to fall for any of Voldemorts manipulations."

"That's just it! You two don't understand Harry like I do. The betrayal and pain he feels right now is probably more than any of us could imagine. He is fragile. He is alone. You forget that he acts tough as long as no one is looking. The Dark Lord will be looking. I've gone and handed Harry to him on a bloody platter! It's all my fault. I should have known how much he hates the words sorry. How much he just wants to belong!" Drace gripped his fists tightly. "I'll never forgive myself, even if Harry somehow does."

"Draco, you are missing the point." Lucius sat next to his son and rested his hand comfortingly on his head. "The Dark Lord has no clue what Harry needs. If we go there and request to see Harry, he will let us if Harry allows it. Undoubtablely hoping we will drive him even further away."

Severus sat on Draco's other side and smiled a small smile. "He's right Draco. Harry will see your sorrow and pain as long as you use actions and not words. There's still hope."

"There's still hope." Draco repeated, and smiled hopefully through his tears.

* * *

**AN**: I am not dead. I have no clue why I decided to write another chapter for this story. I think it had to do with the fact someone reviewed even though it hadn't been updated after all this time… so leave me reviews… I may stop again otherwise. As for this chapter, I'm trying to get back into the flow of how I planned this story to be. It is a bit hard to remember where I wanted to go. Oy sorry for any spelling or grammar errors!! LUVS YOU ALL!


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